趣味英语：英语幽默笑话（五）

Good News and Bad News(一)

   The soldiers had been marching and fighting, they were dirty, hot and tired. One day, the general announced: "My men, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which one would you like first?"
   "The good news!" they all shouted.
   "OK," said the General. "The good news is that you will each be receiving a complete change of clothing."
   "Hurrah!" chorused the soldiers.
   "And now for the bad news. Jack, you will change with John. John, you will change with Tom. Tom, you will change with Robert. Robert ....

好消息和坏消息（一）

   士兵们连续的行军，作战，他们又累又热又脏。一天，将军宣布：
　 “士兵们，我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢？”
   “好消息！”他们嚷道。
   “好吧，”将军说，“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身衣服。”
   “乌拉！”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。
   “现在呢，该是坏消息了。杰克，你将和约翰换衣服，约翰，你和汤姆换，汤姆，你和罗伯特换，罗伯特……”

The Good News and The Bad News（二）

   The doctor is talking to a woman in a hospital bed. "I have some good news for you and some bad. First the bad news -- we amputated the wrong leg. Now here is the good news -- we've discovered that your other leg doesn't need to be removed after all."

好消息和坏消息（二）

   医生对躺在病床上的一位妇女说：“我给你带来了好消息，也带来了不好的消息。先告诉你一个不好的消息－我们错截了你的那条好腿。现在我再来告诉你一个好消息，我们发现你的另一条腿没必要截除了。”

入学考试

   In an entrance examination of a conservatory of music, the teacher asked one of the boys, 'What is the most important physiological quality of a musician?"
   "To be deaf," replied the boy.
   "Nonsense!" said the teacher angrily.
   "Why, sir! don't you have know that the most famous musician Beethoven was deaf?" the boy asked in reply disdainfully. www.qpx6.com

   在一次音乐学院的入学考试中，老师问一位应试的小伙子：“音乐家最重要的生理素质是什么？”
  “耳聋。”小伙子答道。
  “胡说！”老师恼怒地说。
  “怎么啦，先生！您难道连大名鼎鼎的音乐家贝多芬是个聋子都不知道？”小伙子轻蔑地反问道。

Three Reasons

Teacher: Stone, give me three reasons why you know the Earth to be round.
Stone: Ma says so, Pa says so, and you say so!

三条理由

老师：“斯通，说出三条理由来证实地球是圆的。”
斯通：妈妈是这么说的，爸爸是这么说的，你也是这么说的！

I'm not wrong

   Eleanor's younger brother Freder was a simple youth. On day, Eleanor's husband, Babo, went to Africa in a hunting trip accompanied by Freder. About 3 weeks later, she received a telegram from her brother saying: "Bano died in hunting a lion." In great sorrow, Eleanor sent an answer to her brother saying: "Send the dead body home."
   Three weeks later, a parcel arrived from Africa in which was the corpse of a lion.
   Eleanor sent an urgent telegram back to Freder: "Lion received. You are wrong. Wanted dead Babo." The next day she received a final telegram from Freder: "I'm not wrong. Babo and one of my legs are in the abdominal cavity of the lion."

我没弄错

   埃莉诺的弟弟菜弗雷德尔是一个头脑简单的年轻人。一天．他陪埃莉诺的丈夫鲍勃去非洲打猎。三个星期之后，埃莉诺接到弟弟的一封电报。电文如下：“鲍勃在猎狮时死亡。”
   在极大的悲痛中，埃莉诺回电说：“把遗体运回。”
   三个星期之后，从非洲运来了一个包裹，里面装的是一头狮子的尸体。
   埃莉诺给弗雷德尔发了一封加急电报：“狮子已收到。你弄错了。把鲍勃的遗体运回。”
   第二天．她接到了弗雷德尔发来的最后一封电报：“我没错，鲍勃和我的一条腿在狮子的腹腔内。”，趣味英语：英语幽默笑话（五）