Who Discovered Australia?
Teacher: Find Australia on the map for me, Johnny.
Johnny: It's there, sir.
Teacher: That's right. Now Sammy, who discovered Australia?
Sammy: Johnny, sir.
谁发现了澳大利亚？
老师：约翰尼，在地图上给我找出澳大利亚在什么地方。
约翰尼：先生，在这儿。
老师：对了。萨默，你来回答我是谁发现了澳大利亚？
萨默：先生，是约翰尼。
Who's 50 Cents
Jacky: I found 50 cents on the sidewalk in front of school.
Tommy: I think it's mine. I dropped 50 cents there today and couldn't find it.
Jacky: But what I found was two quarters.
Tommy: Then I'm sure it's mine. It probably broke when it hit the sidewalk.
谁的50分（钱）？
杰克：我在学校门前的人行道上拣了50分。
汤米：我想那是我的，今天我在那儿掉了50分，找不到了。
杰克：但是我拣的是两个两毛五的呀。
汤米：那就更是我的了。因为钱在掉到地上的时候可能摔两半了。
Improvement
One student to another: "How are your English lessons coming along?"
"Fine. I used to be one who couldn't understand the English men, and now it's the English men who can't understand me."
进步
一位学生对另一位说：“你的英语最近学的怎么样？”
“很好，我过去不懂英国人说话，可现在是英国人不懂我的话了。”
Student A: When do people talk least?
Student B: In February.
Student A: Why?
Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.
人们什么时候说话最少？
学生甲：人们在什么时候说话最少？
学生乙：在二月。
学生甲：为什么呢？
学生乙：因为二月是一年中最短的一个月。
Mrs. Jones and her little daughter Karen were outside the church watching all the coming and goings of a wedding. After the photographs had been taken, everyone had driven off to the reception and all the excitement was over. Karen said to her mother, "Why did the bride change her mind, Mummy?"
"What do you mean, change her mind?" asked Mrs. Jones.
"Well," said the moppet, "She went into the church with one man and came out with another!"
婚礼
一场婚礼在教堂举行，琼斯夫人和她的小女儿卡伦在教堂外面看热闹。人们照完像后都开着车去参加婚礼宴会了，一切激动的事都结束了，这时卡伦问妈妈：“妈妈，新娘子怎么变主意了？”
“变主意了？你指的是什么？”琼斯夫人问。
“嗯，”孩子说，“她进教堂时和一个男人，出来时又和另一个男人！”
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Teacher: Mike, you're always asking your father to do your homework instead, and again this time.....
Mike: Pardon, sir, this time at first I would not let him do it, but mother was too busy.
妈妈太忙
老师：迈克，你老是叫你的父亲替你做作业，这次又...
迈克：对不起，老师，这次作业我本不打算让爸爸替我做，可妈妈实在太忙。
Teacher: Jack, why aren't you listening?
Jack: But, teacher, I'm listening.
Teacher: If you were listening, tell me what I said just now.
Jack: You said, "Jack, why aren't you listening?"
老师和学生
老师：杰克，你为什么不认真听讲？
杰克：老师，我正在听课呀！
老师：如果你刚才在听课，那告诉我刚才我说的什么。
杰克：您说的是：“杰克，你为什么不认真听讲？”
First Lesson
The son of a businessman had agreed to join the family business, and on his very first day at the factory his father took him on to the roof and said, "Now, my son, I am about to give you your first lesson in business. Stand on the edge of the roof."
"On the edge, Dad?" said the puzzled youth.
"On the very edge."
"Very well, Dad," and the obedient son did as he was told.
"Now, when I say Jump!" said his father, "I want you to jump."
"But it's twenty-foot drop!"
"My boy," said the father, "you want to learn the business, don't you?"
"Yes, Dad."
"And you trust me?"
"Yes, Dad."
"Right, Then do as I say -- Jump!"
And the boy jumped, only to crash painfully to the ground twenty feet below. His father ran down the stairs to where the youth was lying, bruised, battered and winded.
"Now, my son," said the father, "you have just learned your first lesson in business -- NEVER TRUST ANYBODY!"
第一课
一个商人的儿子决定进入父亲的家庭企业工作。他去工厂上班的头一天，父亲把他带到屋顶上说：“听着，我的儿子，今天我给你上做买卖的头一课。站在房顶的边上。”
“爸爸，站在边上？”年轻人纳闷地问。
“站在紧边上。”
“那好吧，爸爸。”顺从的儿子照着父亲所说的去做了。
“好，当我说‘跳’时”父亲说，“你就得跳下去。”
“可是，爸爸，这可是20多英尺高呢！”
“我的儿子，”父亲说，“你不是要学做买卖吗，是不是？”
“是的，爸爸。”
“那么你就相信我好了。”
“好吧，爸爸。”
“好了，就按我说的办吧－‘跳’！”
小伙子应声跳了下去，浑身摔得生痛。父亲赶忙从楼梯上跑下去，见儿子躺在地上，浑身受伤，皮开肉绽，只有喘息的份儿了。
“听着，我的儿子，”父亲说，“你刚上了做买卖的第一课－任何时候也别相信任何人！”
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Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly.
"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"She is the one who sells the candy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。
“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
The Careless Mother
Tommy tore his trousers while climbing a tree. His mother told him to take them off so that she could mend them. "And you can stay in your room until dinner time," she said.
A little while later, she heard a noise in the garden. Thinking that Tommy had disobeyed her, she called out: "You bad boy, are you running out there without any trousers?"
A man's deep voice came from the side of the house:" No, madam.I've just come to clean you windows."
粗心的妈妈
汤米爬树时把裤子挂坏了。他的妈妈让他把裤子脱下来以便她能把它缝好。“所以你只能待在你的屋子里，直到吃晚饭的时候。”
不一会儿，花园里传来一片嘈杂声。他妈妈以为是汤米没有听她的话，于是就喊道：“你这个不听话的孩子，是不是没穿裤子就跑到那儿去了。”
这时一个低沉的男声从房子的另一侧传来，“不是，太太，我只是来给您清洗窗户。”
The Good News and The Bad News
The doctor is talking to a woman in a hospital bed. "I have some good news for you and some bad. First the bad news -- we amputate
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