To be on the Safe Side
In a cinema during a performance one of the audience gets up, makes his way along the row of seats and goes out into the foyer. A few minutes later he returns and asks the man sitting at the head of the row:
"Excuse me, was it your foot I stepped on when I was going out a moment ago?"
" Yes, but it doesn't really matter. It didn't hurt at all."
"Oh, no, it isn't that. I only want to make sure that this is my row."
保证没走错
在一家电影院里，一名观众在演出期间站了起来，沿着他那排位子走到休息室去了。几分钟后，他回到那排位子并问坐在首位的那位男士道：
“对不起，请问我刚才出去的时候是踩着你的脚吗？”
“是的，不过没什么关系，一点也不疼。”
“噢，不，我不是这个意思。我只是想确认一下这是不是我的那排位子。”
Brain Transplant
A wealthy man lay critically ill. "There's only one thing that will save you," his doctor said. " A brain transplant. it's experimental and very expensive."
"Money is no problem," the man said. "Can you get a brain for me ?"
"There are three available. The first was from a university professor, but it'll cost you $10,000."
"Don't worry, I can pay. What about the second?"
"It was from a rocket scientist. It'll cost you $100,000."
"I have the money. And I'd be a lot smarter too. But what about the third?"
"The third was from a government bureaucrat. It will set you back half a million dollars."
"Why so much for the bureaucrat's brain?" the patient asked.
"Never been used."
脑移植
医生对他的一位病入膏肓的富翁病人说：“只有一个办法可以救你，那就是脑移植。这种办法是实验性的而且非常贵。”
“钱没有问题，”那个富翁说，“问题是，你能弄到大脑吗？”
“有三种选择。第一种是一名大学教授的，但要花1万元。”
“不用担心，我付得起。那么第二种呢？”
“第二种是一名火箭科学家的，得花10万元。”
“我有钱，那样我还能更聪明。那么第三种呢？”
“第三种是一名政府官僚的，得花50万元。”
“为什么政府官僚的脑子这么贵？”病人问道。
“因为他的脑子从未用过。”
Marry Him
Jane loved Tony , but she worried about all the money he squandered when they went out together. "How can I stop Tony spending so much money on me?" She asked her mother.
"Marry him!"
嫁给他
简很爱托尼，但是当他们一起出去的时候，托尼总是大手大脚地花钱，这使简感到很不安。“我怎样才能不让托尼在我身上花那么多钱呢？”她问自已的母亲。
“嫁给他！”
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An Abstract Noun
Teacher: What's an abstract noun, Jane?
Jane: I don't know, madam.
Teacher: What, you don't know! Well. It's the name of a thing which you can think of but cannot touch. Now, give me an example.
Jane: A red-hot poker, madam.
抽象名词
老师：简，什么是抽象名词？
简：我不知道，老师。
老师：什么，你不知道！抽象名词就是你想象得到但触摸不到的东西。现在，你给我举个例子。
简：老师，比如说一根炙热的拨火棍。
Gallant Effort
At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to his hostess. At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite you have tonight, Mr. Jones."
"To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."
殷勤
在一次晚餐聚会上，一位腼腆的年青人一直在冥思苦想对女主人说一些好听的话。机会总于来了，女主人转向他说：“琼斯先生，您今晚的饭量太小了。”
“坐在您身边，”他殷勤的说道，“任何男人都会失去胃口的。”
Where is the Winner
Customer: This lobster's only got one claw.
Waiter: I guess he's been in a fight, sir.
Customer: Well, bring me the winner.
胜者在哪里？
顾客：这只龙虾只有一只爪子。
侍者：我猜应该是在打架时弄丢的，先生。
顾客：那样的话，请把那只胜者请来吧。
It's Not My Fault
Mother (reprimanding her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.
Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.
不是我的错
妈妈（正教训她的女儿）：你不该拽猫的尾巴。
女儿：妈，我只是握着猫尾巴，它自己在拽。
A Great Man
Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?
Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
一名伟人
老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？
学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。
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Happiness in Dream
There was a wife who told her husband, "Last night I dreamed you bought me a mink coat and a diamond ring."
The husband put down his newspaper and said, "Fine! Tonight go back to sleep and wear them."
梦中的幸福
妻子告诉丈夫说：“昨天晚上我梦见你给我买了一件裘皮大衣和一个钻石戒指。”
丈夫放下手中的报纸说：“好啊！今晚再睡着时，你就穿戴上它们吧。”
Too Smart for Dad
"Young man," said the angry father from the head of stairs, "didn't I hear the clock strike four when you brought my daughter in?"
"You did," admitted the boyfriend, "it was going to strike eleven , but I grabbed it and held the gong so it wouldn't disturb you."
The father muttered, "Wonder why I didn't think of that one in my courting days!"
青出于蓝
“小伙子，”父亲在楼梯口板着脸说道，“闹钟敲了四下，你才把我女儿带回来，我没听错吧？”
“是的，”男孩承认说，“闹钟本来是要敲11下，但我拽住了钟摆，以免影响您。”
父亲低咕道：“奇怪，我谈恋爱时怎么没想到这一着呢！”
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