I am the Driver
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn't let him aboard.
"It's too crowded," they shouted. "What do you think you are?"
"I'm the driver," he said.
我是司机
一辆公共汽车已经相当拥挤，还有一个人想挤进来，乘客不让他上去。
“太挤了，”他们喊道，“你以为你是谁？”
“我是司机。”他回答说。
An Ugly Woman
Mike: My aunt was very embarrassed when she was asked to take off her mask at the party.
Mary: Why was that?
Mike: She wasn't wearing one.
丑女
麦克：一次舞会上，当大家要求我姑姑拿掉她的面具时，她非常尴尬。
玛丽：为什么会那样呢？
麦克：她根本就没有带面具。
Coincidence
A woman was singing. One of the guests turned to a man by his side and criticized the singer.
"What a terrible voice!" he said. "Do you know who she is?"
"Yes," was the answer. "She is my wife."
"Oh, I beg your pardon." The man said, "Of course her voice is not bad, but the song is very bad. I wonder who wrote that awful song."
"I did." was the answer.
巧合
一位女士正在唱歌。一位客人转身对他旁边的男士批评道：
“多难听的嗓音！”他说，“你知道她是谁吗？”
“知道，”男士回答，“她是我太太。”
“噢，请你原谅。”客人说，“当然，她的嗓音并不坏，但那歌实在太差了。我想知道那是谁写的歌。”
“是我。”男士回答道。
A Question
Professor: Before we begin the examination are there any question?
Student: What's the name of this course?
一个问题
教授：在开始考试之前，还有什么问题吗？
学生：考试科目的名称是什么？
Hen's Legs
Son: Why are hen's legs so short?
Dad: You're a fool. If the hen's legs were too long, wouldn't they drop their eggs into pieces when laying?
母鸡的腿
儿子：为什么母鸡的腿这么短呢？
父亲：你真笨。如果母鸡的腿太长，它们下蛋的时候，鸡蛋岂不都摔碎了？
Clever Thieves
Police: When can it be that the thieves broke into your house?
Owner: How could I know as my watch was stolen?
聪明的小偷
警察：你估计小偷是什么时候进入你家的？
失主：我的手表都被偷走了，我怎么知道是什么时候？
Birthday
Professor: When is your birthday?
Kid: May 30.
Professor: Which year?
Kid: Every year.
生日
教授：你的生日是什么时候？
孩子：5月30日。
教授：哪一年？
孩子：每年都是。
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Mushroom and Toadstool
Younger Scout: How can I tell the difference between a mushroom and a toadstool?
Older Scout: Just eat one before you go to bed. If you wake up the next morning, it was a mushroom.
蘑菇与毒蕈
年少的童子军：我怎样才能把蘑菇和毒蕈区别开呢？
年长的童子军：上床前吃一个。如果你第二天早上醒来，那就是蘑菇。
Fishing
Larry and Harry drove 500 miles to go fishing. They paid a huge sum to rent a cabin, a similar about to rent a boat. They fished for three days and caught only one fish between them.
On the way home, Harry fiddled with a calculator while Larry drove. After an hour, Harry said, "Do you realize that this one fish we caught cost us almost $2,000?"
"Wow!" Larry said, "It's a good thing we didn't catch any more."
钓鱼
拉里和哈里驱车500英里去钓鱼。两人花了一大笔钱租了一间小屋，又花了差不多同样的钱租了一条船。两人钓了三天，只钓到一条鱼。
在回家的路上，拉里开车，哈里拨弄着计算器。一小时后，哈里说：“你可知道我们钓的这条鱼几乎用掉我们2000美元？”
“哇！”拉里应答：“幸亏我们没有多钓到鱼。”
Letter of Recommendation
When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation."
The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter the next day. The following morning, Peters found a letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for 11 years. When
he left us, we were very satisfied."
推荐信
彼得斯听说自己被解雇了，便去见人力资源部的头头。“既然我在公司干了这么久，”他说，“我想至少该给我一封推荐信。”
人力资源部主任同意了，并说他第二天就可拿到该信。第二天早上，彼得斯在他的桌子上看到一封信，上面写道：“乔纳森·彼得斯在我们公司干了11年。当他离去的时候，我们很满意。”
It depends
Traveler: Can I catch the three o'clock train to Toronto?
Ticket agent: That depends on how fast you can run. It left fifteen minutes ago.
看情况
旅行者：我还能赶上3点钟那班到多伦多的火车吗？
售票员：那得看你跑得有多快。火车15分钟前开出。
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A Girl's Wish
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.
小女孩的愿望
在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。
Impudent Questions
A little girl from the East Side was invited to a garden party given by a very aristocratic lady to a group of little East-Siders.
The little girl, as she drank her tea and ate her plum-cake on a velvet lawn under a white-blooming cherry tree, said to her hostess:
"Does your husband drink?"
"Why-er-no, not to excess," was the astonished reply.
"How much does he make?"
"He doesn't work, " said the lady. "He is a capitalist."
"You keep out of debt, I hope?"
"Of course, child. What on earth do you mean by all these impudent questions?"
"Impudent?" said the little girl. "Why, Ma'am, Mother told me to be sure and behave like a lady, and when ladies call at our rooms they always question Mother like that."
无礼的问题
一个住在城东贫民区的小女孩获得邀请，参加一位贵妇人为城东贫民区的孩子们举行的花园晚会。
在一棵开满了白色小花儿的樱桃树下，小女孩坐在柔软的草地上，一边品尝着她的茶和梅子蛋糕，一边对贵妇人说：“你的丈夫酗酒吗？”
“呃，呃，不，他喝得不多。”夫人一脸惊诧。
“他挣多少钱？”
“他不工作，”夫人回答说，“他是个资本家。”
“我希望你们没有负债吧？”
“当然没有，孩子。你问这么些无礼的问题到底是想说什么呢？”
“无礼？”小女孩说，“怎么会呢，夫人？妈妈要我的举止一定要象夫人们一样，当她们到我们家做客的时候，她们总是那样问我妈妈的。”
Go Barefoot
In secondary school, I was always self-conscious about my height.
Once I was asked out by a life-guard. I had never really stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes-one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's and run upstairs to let me know which shoes to wear.
When doorbell rang I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go barefoot."
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